Long Distance Friendships, Families and Relationships

By Grace DeBoer

Being away from your loved ones can be anxiety-inducing. As an anxious person in college, I have had my fair share of stress concerning maintaining healthy relationships from a distance. For the past three years, I have been balancing long-distance relationships with my friends from home, my family and my boyfriend. Long distance is never easy, but here are some ways I make the distance feel smaller and why it's worth it!

First, concentrate on friends. A huge part of your college experience is going to revolve around meeting new people. It can be intimidating to think about your best friends from home meeting new people while you are trying to make your new friends at school. To maintain your friendships, do little gestures:

• Send your friend a text to let them know you’re thinking of them

• Play an iMessage GamePigeon game or another online video game with them

• Direct message them a meme that made you laugh recently.

FaceTime is one of my most used app almost all year. A simple phone call can cheer you and your friends up when you’re missing them, and seeing their faces makes it even better.

My best friends and I know how busy school life can get, but we make sure to text often, and call at least once every couple of weeks, even just for a few minutes to share a funny story or to make plans for the next time we are together. Making plans for the future is so important for nurturing long-distance friendships. When you have something to look forward to, the time apart goes by faster.

My friends from home on Facetime with funny filters on, my best friends from home and an iMessage GamePigeon game: 8 Ball.

Second, turn to family. Homesickness is real in college. You’ll miss all the comforts of homecooked meals, family experiences and holidays, having your parents help with every little thing and hanging out with your siblings. As with your friends, send your siblings or closest relatives reminders that you miss them and are thinking of them. My mom and I are sure to call twice a week on the phone to check in, and more if needed. My siblings and I send each other silly inside jokes and call sometimes just to prank each other. One of the most heartwarming things to receive is a care package. My mom sends my siblings and me packages for each holiday and sometimes just because. Ask for a care package if you need a pick me up, or send one, or a small gesture like a send a friend plush, to a loved one to make sure they know you miss them!

Care packages, my siblings and I and a Send a Friend plush.

Finally, nuture long-distance romantic relationships (LDR). LDRs are extremely intimidating to young couples, but they are also very rewarding. My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years but now several hundred miles separate us. He has some advice for others currently in or considering being a part of an LDR.

When asked about the challenges faced in an LDR, he described how it can be difficult when “you aren’t able to be close to your significant other when you want to be,” and that it's easy to feel insecure. “When you’re with your significant other in person you can spend quality time together and be reaffirmed with physical touch,” he continued, “but in long distance, it’s a lot different and it requires a lot of trust in one another.” Feelings of insecurity are valid and normal. Being apart from your partner is difficult and it's easy to feel like you’re missing out on valuable experiences together. He explained, “You have to always communicate, try not to push feelings to the side and always be open about what you’re feeling.” Open communication builds a strong foundation of trust, necessary to uphold a healthy relationship, especially with long distance.

Some of the things couples can do to stay close when they are apart include:

• Calling often to stay involved and updated in each other's lives and to celebrate accomplishments

• Using the google chrome extension Teleparty to watch favorite shows and movies together on Netflix

• Sending each other care packages

• Ordering each other food to share dinner together on the phone

• Sharing a Google Doc that shows each other's academic and extracurricular schedules

• Making a countdown leading up to the next time you will get to see each other

My boyfriend and I using Teleparty to watch our favorite show, us sharing food together on the phone and a care package I sent him for Valentine's day.

When I asked my boyfriend what he thinks he has gained from being in an LDR, he said “you gain the ability to be in a relationship you care about while you’re in different stages in life when [your significant other] can’t be next to you.” He also explained that “you gain self-confidence and self-love as you have to be independent and learn to always speak your mind and communicate, and you build a foundation of being able to communicate better with everyone in your life. It makes you a more open-minded and understanding person and a better listener.”

Facetiming my long-distance boyfriend.

Being apart from the ones you love can make anyone anxious. Openly communicating with your long-distance loved ones will help you to feel comfortable no matter the space between you. Remember you are not replaceable and those who truly care for you will always work to make long-distance relationships work. It’s really true: that distance makes the heart grow fonder.